this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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