I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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