discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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