and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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