i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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