I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
