great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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