You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
