I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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