Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
3 2 1 whiskey
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
