don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
