You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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