I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
