He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want to fling myself into the sun
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize