I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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