You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
