I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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