wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
