Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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