You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize