And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
