If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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