My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's rum buckets o'clock
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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