I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
