At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
