Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
