The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
