Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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