Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity