She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.