The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.