Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
