The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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