saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
