i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
