Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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