When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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