he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
