it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
