She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
