the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
