i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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