Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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