We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
