The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
