Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude i'm inner monologue high
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
