Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is wine microwaveable?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
