two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
