So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
