So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
