My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
