The maid of honor just puked.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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