you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
