he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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