i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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