literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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