So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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