It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
