According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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