hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
