why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
