I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Drunk is a universal language darling
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
