this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
