It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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