she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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