that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
