just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
