I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
