If that was your dad, he is hot
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize