Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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