Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have already put on my inside pants.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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