The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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