i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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