My underwear smells like fireworks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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